Fantasy can be an essential part of a healthy sex life. Being able to explore our desires with our partner or via the world of imagination can help us dive into more meaningful and exciting sex. However, some may be afraid to express their fantasies for fear of judgment or embarrassment. Here, we will take a look at what our sexual fantasies might say about us and how we can use them to better understand ourselves and our partners.
Understanding Why We Fantasize
Before we consider what our fantasies mean, it’s important to understand why we fantasize in the first place. According to Shayna Sparling, a sex therapist and sexuality educator, there are many valid reasons why someone might fantasize, and it could vary from person to person. Sparling says the following:
“We can use fantasy or role-play to make ourselves feel sexy, to explore a part of our sexuality we might not be comfortable expressing, to escape sexual monotony, or to feel powerful and in control. Fantasy can also allow us to experiment with ideas or fantasies that could never happen in real life without consequence, helping us connect with our own unique desires and fantasies.”
Identifying Your Sexual Fantasies
Now that we understand why we fantasize, it’s time to look at what our fantasies might say about us. While it is tricky to draw conclusions from fantasies without understanding the underlying personal reasons, there are some trends that can be observed.
For example, those whose fantasies involve control may be seeking a sense of power or autonomy in a life where they don’t always feel in control. A fantasy with a stranger may point to a need for adventure or a lack of connection that they are seeking in their life. Fantasies involving long-term partners may signal a need for connection and intimacy.
The Role of Relationship Status
The role of relationship status is also important to address when looking at what your fantasies might mean. People who are in relationships often fantasize about their partner or someone else within their relationship. This could be because they are yearning to access a piece of themselves that they don’t feel they can express within their relationship. They could also be looking for a way to spice up their relationship or find a part of it that has felt missing.
People who are single, on the other hand, may fantasize about a relationship that they don’t have. For example, they could be fantasizing about having someone to turn to or about a relationship that is more equal and fulfilling than the relationships they have access to right now.
Exploring Taboo Fantasies
One of the most common fantasies people have is considered taboo. This could include anything from BDSM, multiple partners, or power dynamics. It’s important to remember that just because something is considered a taboo fantasy, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with it.
Taboo fantasies can be a way to explore and get in touch with parts of ourselves that we may otherwise be ashamed of — parts of ourselves that aren’t socially accepted or that we may fear. They could also be a way to explore aspects of ourselves or relationships that we may not feel safe enough to explore in our everyday lives.
Understanding Your Fantasies
It’s important to remember that sexual fantasies are completely normal and can be a great way to explore and get in touch with our sexuality. While there are certain trends we can observe, it’s best to not draw broad conclusions without further understanding the personal reasons behind them.
Ultimately, the best way to make sense of your fantasies is to talk to your trusted partners or a professional therapist. They can help you explore the fantasies and can offer insights into why you may be having these fantasies in the first place.
When it comes to fantasies, the most important thing to remember is that they are a powerful way to explore our sexuality and to get in touch with parts of ourselves that we may otherwise not have access to.
It’s also important to remember that just because something is considered a taboo fantasy, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with it. Fantasies can be a great way to explore and get in touch with parts of ourselves that we may otherwise be ashamed of.
Finally, it’s best to talk to your partner or a professional therapist if you are looking to further explore your fantasies. Understanding the complex reasons why we have the fantasies that we do can help us enrich our lives and relationships.